S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

Party, party, party at the Boyle household! Early bedtime for the kids, special dinner for Andy and me, and an extra episode on Supernatural on Netflix. Yep. We're crazy, wild people! HA!

Nate and I started putting up Halloween decorations today. Started with the orange lights and the ghost that makes scary noises as it zips along its line. Tomorrow, we'll put up the blinky ghosts lights. Not sure how long we'll be able to wait before we get the pumpkins. Nate is really excited about Halloween this year. In fact, he is really upset when he sees the Christmas decorations out at Walmart. "Halloween isn't even over yet!"

The homestudy visit is over. It went well. We're trying to decide what to do differently this year. What MORE to do. Any ideas?

Andyman the fisherman

The thing about Andy is, he's a fisherman--with all that entails.

A patient man, quiet man, soft-spoken and mild, Andy could sit by the water with a fishing pole all day. Even if he caught nothing, he would count it as time well-spent.

"Fishing isn't about catching fish," he often tells me. Fishing, for him, is about being still, thinking, and just BEING.

And, as the saying goes, still waters run deep. His placid surface hides a deeply thoughtful, kind man who loves to play pranks and tell stories. He is quietly stubborn, invariably kind .Patient and a "go with the flow" kind of guy, he is also the most steady, stalwart, strongest man I've ever met. He survived leukemia and now views life with a zest and child-like joy. In fact, he is currently winning a tickle fight with our two kids, and laughing just as much as they are.

My fisherman

 My day isn't complete without one of his big, squishy hugs that squeeze the air out of me. Life hands us our lumps and throws us our curve balls, but I know as long as I have my Andy by my side, all will be well. He's my rock, my calm in the storm, my best friend.

Mary confesses!

It must be said!

I'm an animal-loving, potato-eating, out-loud-laughing farm girl who has been transplanted into Butte, MT. I still long for the wide-open spaces of my youth.  

I love seeing field upon field of wheat, potatoes, and barley growing beneath a clear blue sky. The smell of freshly cut alfalfa fills me with joy, as does the site of ripe wheat in the golden afternoon sunlight. And, most of all, the site of baby animals--even the cows!--just tickles me to no end.

I'm most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. I think a baked potato and a nice grilled steak are fine dining (sorry, vegetarian and vegan friends!). I think kids should play in the dirt, make mud pies, and know the joy of finding a litter of kitties in the hay stack; they should sleep out under the stars, climb trees, and watch thunder storms sweep across the fields with awe and wonder.

I sometimes dream about living among pine trees, far up in the mountains my mom taught me to love. I still consider the mountains a place apart from the rest of the world . . . almost sacred; a place where I remember who I was and still am, a place where I can immerse myself in God's creations and feel close to Him.

Life's journey has taken me out away from the farm (but thankfully kept me close to the mountains). But beneath the citified, scatter-brained exterior beats the heart of a simple (still scatter-brained) farm girl. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Checking in

It has been a busy day around here. I've been working on my paracord stuff, chasing Lizzie around, trying to whip up dinner, and applying for jobs.

We've decided to renew the homestudy. Nate was the deciding factor on this one. He was horrified at the thought of quitting. "But...what if a mom is having a baby...and she wants to give it to us?" Well, try to explain THAT to those big, brown eyes! We have always wanted him to feel involved in the adoption process, and this is the first time he has expressed a strong opinion about anything involving it (besides wanting a brother, lol). I'm not thrilled at the thought of searching for another year . . . but at this point, we're so used to it, what could it hurt?

Song of the day, since it's been a while . . .

The video itself makes me motion sick, but the lyrics are perfect. "I'll kneel down, wait for now. . . I will wait, I will wait for you."

Still hoping, praying, wishing, trying

Still trying to adopt! Share our page, y'all! We can't do it without you!

Happy tired

It has been a busy day of dog rescue! As some of you know, I help out with with my sister's animal rescue. It is a challenging and rewarding endeavor. Today, I gave a ride to a sweet boy who is so, so happy to be with kind humans. It was a great experience for my whole family, even though we only had him a few hours. Helping even just that one sweet soul gave us all a boost.

Still pondering our options as far as the homestudy. Dunno.

another Saturday...

It has been a full day here at the Boyle house! Nate spent the afternoon riding bikes and playing on the spip n slide with one of his buddies. Andy was at a festival selling my paracord stuff all day;Lizzie and I joined him for a while and had fun in the sun! Always nice to have an outing minus tantrums, etc. :) I'm all tuckered out, and I still have to come up with something for dinner. Hmmmm... We are still trying to decide if we are going to renew the homestudy. We have a lead we are hoping works out...of course, the last time we had a match the birthmom dropped off th emap 2 months later. So, we are taking things one tiny step at a time; we aren't matched yet, and may not be for some time to come...but it is always nice to have a little hope.

It's empty in the valley of your heart

I'm listening to Mumford and Sons and mourning plans A, B, and C a little. They were good plans, we thought. What happened? Why did they not work out? We don't know. But I can see the paths and life we expected with each plan, and I can't help but feel a bit sad that Plan D hasn't taken us there. Plan D is (we hope) going to take us to equally grand views and still waters ... just different views, different waters.

"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighed...


Well, we can't do anything about the "If only"s. We can only move forward, one step at a time. "Keep on keepin' on," my mom used to say. And so we shall.

"The ghosts that we knew will flicker from view and we'll live a long life."

Close your eyes...

And just listen. Love this song and how it reminds me of my amazing husband and (to a lesser degree) all the supportive people in my life.

Just...listen. You'll understand when you listen.

A few of my favorite things...

Ah, The Sound of Music! *happy sigh*

OK, so there have been some new people join the ranks here at Live, Love, Laugh. Welcome, new readers! This is probably a great opportunity for me to re-introduce myself and do a list of my favorite things. I think I've done this before, but it's just too much fun, posting that song! I'm leaving out my husband and kids, cuz...yeah...of COURSE they're on top of my list of favorite things!

• The Sound of Music. I mean, really. Captain VonTrap, Maria, the children! Wonderful memories of sitting around an old black and white TV eating popcorn and wondering if the Nazis would find the family! Oh, the childhood suspense! 
• Dogs. Happy, loving souls sent to give us comfort. I adore my dogs and dogs in general. I work with a dog rescue group, and I love it! I also braid and weave leashes and collars in my spare time, which I find very satisfying. LOVE dogs!

• Music. Music is necessary for my sanity, so I'm not sure it should really be on this list since it's essential to my life as I know it. But I do love music and it's ability to speak to me and for me. I love hearing my kids singing at the tops of their lungs, just like my mom used to.
• Writing. As with music, writing is essential for my existence. Words on paper, images in my head...connecting the two is powerful to me and integral to who I am.
• Driving. Sometimes, I just have to get behind the wheel of my Jeep and take a nice, long drive to clear my head. There's something about being in the Jeep with the music going and the Montana countryside flying by the window that soothes me. I love to drive.
• Rain. Oh my, the joy of rain (the physical, not metaphorical). Rain reminds me of spring and green things growing. It's refreshing, invigorating, and renewing. 
• Lazy afternoons with my kids. Nothing beats snuggling up in a blanket on the couch and reading or watching a movie with two of my most favorite people on earth (my kids, of course). Add my hubby to the mix and life is grand!

Well, those are just a few. How about you? What are your favorite things? ;)

Express yourself

I've been coming back to this blog all evening, sitting here and looking at the blank page. I don't know what I want to write, but I find myself wanted to express...something. It brings to mind one of my favorite movie lines: "A happy person is someone who EXPRESSES their feelings. Express, not repress." Well, if I could put my finger on it, I'd spill it all out here for all to see and go about my life, much happier for having done so. As it is, I sit here in cyber space crying, "Hear me, hear me!" but I can't find my message. I feel locked in my own head, trapped by the thoughts swirling and whirling around.

I should probably just shut up and delete this post. But...on the other hand...maybe there are others out there who feel the same way. Maybe knowing someone else feels confused and a little lost will give them the courage to find their words and express themselves. So...go! Speak! Words can be hard (trust me, I know--I'm a writer, and they're still hard for me!), but the search is worthwhile. Borrow them, sing them, scream them, write them. Just get 'em out there.

"This is your life, this is your time..."

Support

One the most amazing things about the adoption world is the people you meet who help and support you along the way. Strangers become your best friends, the ones you vent to, laugh with, cheer for. I have been blessed with a great bunch of ladies who have been my support these past several years. And you know what? I am so glad I could support them, too! I love feeling useful. I'm glad that my knowledge or insight could help someone along their adoption journey.

I think so many of us are prone to say, "No really, I've got it. I don't need help." But, have you considered how much others WANT to help? I know I rarely do. I hold people off at arm's length, even as they say, "I want to help." It wasn't until a friend interrupted my usual, "No, I'm okay," with "Mary! LET me help!" that I realized or appreciated that people don't just offer their help, support, advice, etc. to be polite. They do it because they love you and want to help. They cannot stand by and watch you go through the hardships you face without offering to watch the kids, make a meal, haul your junk to Montana from Wyoming in their horse trailrr (true story).

And so, this is a big THANK YOU! Not only to those to support me, but to those who ALLOW me to support them. Thank you for the honor of being in your lives and trusting me with your heartaches and your joys. It truly means more than you will know.

Sing...sing a song...

How many times have I said that songs often give me the words I've been searching for? That they express emotions I'm too weary or just too scared to express. Lots? Oh...yeah...guess so. Anyway, here's some songs for ya'! And hey...why don't you crank it up and sing along, eh? It's a stress reliever, believe me. :)

Have I posted this one yet? I can't remember. Oh well. It's Mumford and totally worth listening to again (and again and again and again...)

January is shaping into a kind of melancholy month for me. I and several of my friends have "hit the wall" as it were, with adoption. People outside the process don't see and don't really understand the emotion turmoil that  often constitutes an adoption journey. If  I could convey it in words, I would. I would lay it all out for you, dear readers...the tears, the hope, the heartache, heartbreak, the love, joy, and sweet sorrow. Each journey is as unique as the individual taking it, but so many of us find ourselves saying, "I will hold on as long as you like...just promise we'll be alright." And we hope it the darkness to see the light.

So, do me a favor and send out some extra prayers for the adoptive families you may know (or know about). They need a boost, they need a kind word or a smile. It is a painful, glorious thing, adoption. We can use all the love and support we can get.

Here's hoping the rest of January is awesome (since my nephew's birthday is usually a kind of good-luck date for me). Enjoy the melancholy...but remember to keep your chin up and remember the skies are still blue and the sun still shines...There's still reason to love and laugh. :)

Sharing time

Today, I thought I'd just share a few web sites for y'all to check out. Sound good? Alrighty then!

First, some adoption profiles/blogs. My dear, dear friends who are still waiting:

Sheyann and JJ are waiting and hoping for their second child. They live in Idaho, and they're awesome! I'm totally in love with their little boy, too. What a sweetheart!

Susan and John are hoping to adopt their first child. Susan is one of my favoritest people. We've been in the same support group for years, and I just love her.

Eleanor is my bud. She teaches English as a second language to little kids! How cool is that? She and her partner Kate are waiting for their first child.

I almost forgot! Bridget and her hubby and hoping for kid #2! Fun and fantastic family in UT!

Yes, we're still waiting, too, but you're already ON our blog, haha. (I'm a dork, sue me.)

This is a blog I was linked to today. SO what I needed to hear! Made me laugh, made me cry, made me even more determined to be kinder to myself. Check it out here.

Hyperbole and a half makes me laugh and makes me think. Her stories about her dogs just CRACK me up! But there's serious stuff on there too. *Language warning: F-bomb used at times*

You won't think you're a geek...until you visit this site, and then you'll realize your inner geek has been there all along, wishing to come out and play! :) I spent a great deal of time yesterday being thrilled at the super fun stuff on this site. Oh my, the fun!

So what are some of you're favorite sites? Feel like sharing? Huh, huh? Wanna wanna wanna?? Come on, all the COOL kids are doing it! :)

It's complicated

Vega 4 caught my mood today. Life is beautiful, but it's complicated. The situations and decisions we are faced with are rarely easy or straight-forward. And what we feel about those decisions and situations? Oh my, talk about complicated!! I hope this year is filled with more simple pleasures, simple joy, simple relationships (that's hoping for a lot, I know!).

Happy New Year

Ah, a fresh new year. A time for new beginnings, new hopes, new dreams and goals. Do you make resolutions? I've stopped making resolutions a couple years ago. I figure I'll just do the best I can, each and every day. Some days the best I can do is awesome...sometimes not so awesome. But I still try.

You can only do what you can do, my mom used to say. Seems like I've been wishing I could do more lately. Spend more time with my kids, make more money at my job, grow more spiritually, be a better wife. Is it just me? Anyone else not feeling good enough, smart enough, etc? Gee, I wish I could remember how awesome I am, all the time! I wish I WAS awesome all the time. But, we're all of us human.

So, maybe in addition to trying my best, I will also forgive myself more often. Give myself a break when I fall short of my own expectations.

Sounds like a plan.

An update from us

Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on my last post. It is certainly nice to have this blog to vent on when I need to. So often, I just let issues roll off my back rather than voicing my opinion; I figure if someone wants my input, they'll ask for it. But, since I was directly confronted about that issue on an adoption forum and dismissed as clueless and unwilling to face the harsh realities of adoption, I really needed to blow off some steam. Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful responses.

It has been a lazy week here at the Boyle house. I'm not sure my sleep schedule will ever recover from the Christmas weekend. Lizzie had a hard time sleeping at Grandma's house, so I got to stay up with the little insomniac. Note to self: 2 hours of sleep a night is not optimum for Mommy. I've been trying to catch up ever since we got home. *yawn*

We decided to give Nate a special treat and let him stay at Grandma's for the week. He'll be coming home on Saturday. I have missed my sweet boy, but I hope he is having tons of fun and enjoying his break. He is such a little man, he really did need to just cut loose and be a 9-year-old kid.

Anyone have fun plans for New Years? Any resolutions? I think Andy and I have a date with pizza and wings that night...and a DVD. We're a wild bunch around here, can't you tell? Not sure if we'll let Nate stay up or not. Last year, he fell asleep around 10 p.m. heeheehee. And he's sure to be tuckered out when he gets back. We shall see!

Can't believe another year is gone. Where does the time go? I don't know if this year will bring our missing kid(s) home...or if they're ever coming home. Adoption is unpredictable, just like life. We continue to hope and pray that we will find the little spirits meant for our family. You never know what's right around the corner.

Screwed up

I know I'm going to step on toes with this post. But guess what? It's MY blog! So THERE! :P Bleeeeeh.

I am so tired of people insisting that all adoptees are screwed up, horribly traumatized people who wander the earth wondering who they are...that they're somehow damaged goods...they live in emotional turmoil and feel incomplete, out of sync, alienated from the world and people around them.

I willingly acknowledge that some (maybe even most...who knows?) adoptees feel this way. Guess what? NOT ALL!

Thing is, when someone says "all" or "every", they're not really speaking for the individual. They're making a sweeping generalization that obliterates the faces in the crowd and lumps them into one blurry "THEM." As the daughter of an adoptee, I take offense. Don't you dare presume to speak for my father, who is a very educated, well-spoken, forthright man. He is a mighty man, wise and thoughtful. He is not screwed up.

I get a little irked when people presume to tell me I must be clueless to think that adoption can be a good thing. Thing is...I have lived with my father's adoption my entire life. It has given me a unique perspective. Did it give my dad issues? I believe so. Did it irreparably damage him? Absolutely not! My dad is living proof that the sum of a person is not so much the events in their life, but how they choose to use those events. Do you grow from them, or let you weigh you down? Do your challenges become a stepping stone or a stumbling block? Adoption is something that happened in my dad's life...it does not define him. To lump all adoptees together with huge, sweeping generalizations does such a disservice to not only those who have chosen to be happy with their adoption, but also to those who are struggling with it. Do they not deserve to be individual voices, telling their own stories?

I won't go into my dad's adoption story. It's not mine to tell. But know this: My dad is awesome. He is amazing. He is adopted.

Lack of words

I really dislike sitting down to write--whether it be for this blog or another writing project--and not having words. I sit and stare at the blank page, yelling at my brain to feed my fingers something to type, but it doesn't work. Today is one of those days. So, just a couple fun little videos that I hope bring a smile to your face this snowy day.

First, one of my favorite scenes ever (EVER!!), from Charlie Brown's Christmas:

And the second...well, our adoption video, of course! View! Smile! Share!

Have a great day, y'all! :)

Good-bye November, hello December!

One final song. What do you want for Christmas? I'm sure a few of my adoptive families out there answered, "Gee, I'd love a match or to bring home a baby." I hope we expand on that, and we're able to just wish to have our families around us. You may be a family created through birth or adoption, foster care, or maybe you don't have kids yet; whether you're a family of 2 or 12, pull your loved ones around you and enjoy the love, joy, and simple beauty of the season. Remember God's love for you, that He knows you,  and really does have a hand in your life.

And thus closes Nat'l Adoption Month for our little blog. Thanks for dropping by!