Here we are

Physically, we are in Rexburg, Idaho. Emotionally, spiritually, even financially ... I'm not so sure. Shock is still the prevailing emotion, I think. Shock that our lives can change so completely is such a short amount of time. It shouldn't surprise us; adoption has taught us that lesson twice over.

But ... here we are.

We bought our sign shop on Nov. 19 and moved here Dec. 22. A month later, we're working hard and have encountered an entirely new level of stress that only comes from owning your own business ... and having your whole heart, soul, and bank account tied up in said business.

The newest member of our family...

No idea where we're going from here. It is all in God's hands.We're just holding on tight and trying to keep up.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night!

Party, party, party at the Boyle household! Early bedtime for the kids, special dinner for Andy and me, and an extra episode on Supernatural on Netflix. Yep. We're crazy, wild people! HA!

Nate and I started putting up Halloween decorations today. Started with the orange lights and the ghost that makes scary noises as it zips along its line. Tomorrow, we'll put up the blinky ghosts lights. Not sure how long we'll be able to wait before we get the pumpkins. Nate is really excited about Halloween this year. In fact, he is really upset when he sees the Christmas decorations out at Walmart. "Halloween isn't even over yet!"

The homestudy visit is over. It went well. We're trying to decide what to do differently this year. What MORE to do. Any ideas?

Andyman the fisherman

The thing about Andy is, he's a fisherman--with all that entails.

A patient man, quiet man, soft-spoken and mild, Andy could sit by the water with a fishing pole all day. Even if he caught nothing, he would count it as time well-spent.

"Fishing isn't about catching fish," he often tells me. Fishing, for him, is about being still, thinking, and just BEING.

And, as the saying goes, still waters run deep. His placid surface hides a deeply thoughtful, kind man who loves to play pranks and tell stories. He is quietly stubborn, invariably kind .Patient and a "go with the flow" kind of guy, he is also the most steady, stalwart, strongest man I've ever met. He survived leukemia and now views life with a zest and child-like joy. In fact, he is currently winning a tickle fight with our two kids, and laughing just as much as they are.

My fisherman

 My day isn't complete without one of his big, squishy hugs that squeeze the air out of me. Life hands us our lumps and throws us our curve balls, but I know as long as I have my Andy by my side, all will be well. He's my rock, my calm in the storm, my best friend.

Checking in

It has been a busy day around here. I've been working on my paracord stuff, chasing Lizzie around, trying to whip up dinner, and applying for jobs.

We've decided to renew the homestudy. Nate was the deciding factor on this one. He was horrified at the thought of quitting. "But...what if a mom is having a baby...and she wants to give it to us?" Well, try to explain THAT to those big, brown eyes! We have always wanted him to feel involved in the adoption process, and this is the first time he has expressed a strong opinion about anything involving it (besides wanting a brother, lol). I'm not thrilled at the thought of searching for another year . . . but at this point, we're so used to it, what could it hurt?

Song of the day, since it's been a while . . .

The video itself makes me motion sick, but the lyrics are perfect. "I'll kneel down, wait for now. . . I will wait, I will wait for you."

Hope

I've been pondering hope lately. I haven't come up with very many insights, I'm afraid. I often wonder if I hope for too much in life . . . from life. Do I hope for too much from those around me? Do I hope for too much from myself? Is a hopeful person really just overconfident? You hope for something, expect it . . . does that make you delusional or a fool? And if someone stops hoping and faces a harsh reality . . . why do we call it "giving up hope?" Like they have somehow failed a test of character by giving up. Never, never, never give up, said the wise man. Well . . . aren't there times when we should give up?

Like I said, I don't have any insights. Only questions. And kind of depressing questions at that, now that I look at them. Maybe I shouldn't be so introspective, haha. I have been so full of hope for the near future, and one comment has me wondering if I'm just being foolish to expect so much to go well. Andy and I aren't the kind of people who expect life to fall into our laps; we've worked hard to build our life together. I'm not afraid of hard work--my parents taught me how to work. I'm just afraid of hard work ending in failure. Of wasted hope.

Checking in

Not much out of the ordinary going on here, but I feel like making a post anyway.

Montana fooled us all into thinking it was spring and then dumped a foot of snow. It is warming up again, now, and the weather man is saying "spring is going to settle in," which makes me want to run to the store and stock up on essentials before the next huge storm hits. Yeah, not too accurate, our weather man. Nate and Lizzie did have fun playing in the snow today. Lizzie mostly stands around and looks at it in dismay while Nate laughs at her, heehee. Of course, Nate is none too thrilled when his hands get cold. I think they were meant for warmer climes, lol.

We are looking forward to Easter. April is pretty much tainted for me, but I do try to make it a joyful time for the kids. Nate is already asking when we can color our eggs. I went a little nuts buying Easter stuff the other day, and the budget is going to feel it, probably. Cute little stuffed animals and brightly-colored clothes . . . I just couldn't resist (and neither could Andy, who was with me, haha)! I can't wait for warm weather and green grass.

Andy and I continue to try to figure out travelling for the summer. Too many family reunions, not enough time! I'm also wanting to squeeze in a trip to see my sis in Boise. And, assuming I get into my phlebotomy course (knock wood, cross fingers and toes), I have no idea when my lab hours will be. I'll know more when class starts, so most of the solid planning will have to wait a while longer.

I guess I should shuffle off to bed now. I have a million things on my mind tonight and I'm not sure if I'll actually sleep, but it's worth a try.

Why?

I've looked at this blog many times over the past few years and wonder why I decided to do it this way. I mean, I look at most adoption blogs, and they have their "birthmom letter" up front and center--perfectly worded and wonderful. Ours is in the tab up there . . . see it? Yep, there it is! So why DID I do the blog this way? Why don't I keep a separate blog for our daily stuff and just keep the perfect letter up front?

Well. Cuz that's not how I work.

I'm not perfect. My family's not perfect. If I have a thought, I share it. And any birth family who places a child with us will have to appreciate that we are open and up-front about . . . well, pretty much everything. Want to know who we are? Go back and read. Read our letter, by all means, as well (I worked hard on it, after all). But the essence of who I am and who we are as a family is in the posts on this blog. I'm passionate about those I love and what I believe. I love fiercely. I love music, to the very core of my being. I adore being a mom and I think my kids are two of the best EVER put on the face of the earth; they make me see the world and life in a different way. My husband is my best friend; he understands me, knows me inside and out--and thinks I'm amazing anyway.

This is US. Unvarnished. Just living our lives, day to day. Doing the best we can, like everyone else. We have our ups and downs, our losses, triumphs, trials and blessings. But, through it all, we are a family. And that's what keeps up going through the hard times and makes the happy times even better! As the quote goes:

"Other things may change us, 

but we start and end with family."

We are home again. Funerals are never fun, but we did have a good visit with Andy's family. It is so nice to be back home and back into our routine.

So, what's new with us? Let's see...

Lizzie lost two teeth last month. I can't believe my little girl is old enough to lose teeth! She thought it was great fun.

Nate is playing Y basketball, and having soooo much fun! He loves playing any sport, but basketball and soccer have been faves lately. It's so fun to watch him, too! He is so much...himself...when he plays.

It's registration time at school and I'm faced with the yearly "I can't believe he/she will be in [insert grade]!" I can't believe Lizzie is finishing Kindergarten and heading into first grade (WAAAAAA!), and it boggles my mind that Nate will be in 4th grade. WOW! The time goes by so quickly...

I am both scared and excited about my upcoming class and career change. I'm taking a phlebotomy course, for those who haven't heard yet. I VANT TO TAKE YOUR BLOOOOD! Yep, I'll be running around jabbing needles in arms and poking fingers all day. Awesome, right? Certainly not where I saw myself at *cough cough* years old, but...you know what? Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan. Industries rise and fall (RIP newspapers), the economy crumbles and grows, life's tide ebbs and flows, and you adjust. So, even though I didn't see myself here, now that I AM here...I'm excited and nervous and wondering what's next. Dancing in the rain.

And we're still hoping a birthmom chooses us. As time wears on, the chances dwindle...but we still hope.

Visiting

We are visiting with Andy's family this weekend. As usual, it is a loud, crazy time. A dozen kids running around and laughing a each other, babies being passed around, and dogs dancing underfoot. There's the usual chorus of "You're a booger head!" "No, YOU'RE a booger head!" It's rowdy, marvelous chaos. Though a sad event brought us together, we still find joy in each other's company.

It's so crazy to sit and have a long conversation with the teens I first met as toddlers. They've grown into thoughtful, intelligent young women who blow me away! And it's heart-warming to see my husband being a big brother to this "little" sisters who are married with families of their own.

This is family. We get on each other's nerves, we make each other laugh. Thick and thin, near or far, our love transcends anything and everything life throws at us. It doesn't come easy--nothing worth having does. And it really is worth it! <3

Close your eyes...

And just listen. Love this song and how it reminds me of my amazing husband and (to a lesser degree) all the supportive people in my life.

Just...listen. You'll understand when you listen.

A few of my favorite things...

Ah, The Sound of Music! *happy sigh*

OK, so there have been some new people join the ranks here at Live, Love, Laugh. Welcome, new readers! This is probably a great opportunity for me to re-introduce myself and do a list of my favorite things. I think I've done this before, but it's just too much fun, posting that song! I'm leaving out my husband and kids, cuz...yeah...of COURSE they're on top of my list of favorite things!

• The Sound of Music. I mean, really. Captain VonTrap, Maria, the children! Wonderful memories of sitting around an old black and white TV eating popcorn and wondering if the Nazis would find the family! Oh, the childhood suspense! 
• Dogs. Happy, loving souls sent to give us comfort. I adore my dogs and dogs in general. I work with a dog rescue group, and I love it! I also braid and weave leashes and collars in my spare time, which I find very satisfying. LOVE dogs!

• Music. Music is necessary for my sanity, so I'm not sure it should really be on this list since it's essential to my life as I know it. But I do love music and it's ability to speak to me and for me. I love hearing my kids singing at the tops of their lungs, just like my mom used to.
• Writing. As with music, writing is essential for my existence. Words on paper, images in my head...connecting the two is powerful to me and integral to who I am.
• Driving. Sometimes, I just have to get behind the wheel of my Jeep and take a nice, long drive to clear my head. There's something about being in the Jeep with the music going and the Montana countryside flying by the window that soothes me. I love to drive.
• Rain. Oh my, the joy of rain (the physical, not metaphorical). Rain reminds me of spring and green things growing. It's refreshing, invigorating, and renewing. 
• Lazy afternoons with my kids. Nothing beats snuggling up in a blanket on the couch and reading or watching a movie with two of my most favorite people on earth (my kids, of course). Add my hubby to the mix and life is grand!

Well, those are just a few. How about you? What are your favorite things? ;)

Good-bye November, hello December!

One final song. What do you want for Christmas? I'm sure a few of my adoptive families out there answered, "Gee, I'd love a match or to bring home a baby." I hope we expand on that, and we're able to just wish to have our families around us. You may be a family created through birth or adoption, foster care, or maybe you don't have kids yet; whether you're a family of 2 or 12, pull your loved ones around you and enjoy the love, joy, and simple beauty of the season. Remember God's love for you, that He knows you,  and really does have a hand in your life.

And thus closes Nat'l Adoption Month for our little blog. Thanks for dropping by!

One by one

A friend of mine wrote a blog post about her blessings today. She asked, "What are your blessings?" Well, I have to say, I have too many to put just in a blog comment! :)

At church, we have a hymn that says, "Count your many blessings, name them one by one ... and it will surprise you what the Lord has done." What are my blessings? Glad you asked.

First, my sweet, loving, compassionate husband.

Yeah, he's so cute!

Andy pulls me through the tough times and is my quiet harbor in any storm. Corny? Don't care. Totally true. Twelve years of marriage, and I have to say I wouldn't have made it through some of them if it wasn't for him.  He's the guy my kids run to with wide smiles and calls of  "DADDY!" He's the guy that makes my heart skip a beat. Love him more than air!

Then I have my beautiful and wonderful children:

Nate the Great

Miss Elizabeth

Without their birthmom, I wouldn't even know these amazing kids. I am thankful for her every day. Witty, wise Nate and funny, sweet Lizzie are the greatest joys in our lives. 

Then there's my family and Andy's family. We're all a little bit nuts, but we all love each other anyway. So many different people, different opinions, different views...but at the end of the day, we're still family. 

I have a cozy house that keeps us warm and dry and a yard where my kids can run and laugh and be kids. I have some truly awesome people in my life I'm lucky enough to call friends. I have a running car (if you knew our luck with cars, you'd be thankful, too). 

I have a knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father who knows me as an individual and is aware of my trials and triumphs. 

I am blessed with a heritage of faith and and strength. 

So, now the question is: What are YOUR blessings? Name them one by one. The list will go on and on, and you really will be surprised by the things your take for granted every day.

Another picture day!!

I just don't have a ton to say these days. Pictures speak better anyway, right? Here's some more of what we've been up to this summer.

Nate took this pic on the 4th of July.

CHEEEEEESE!!

Wait, how do I turn this around...?

On the slide

Hey! There's a cute hubby!

Seriously? ANOTHER picture??

Nate and his first fish.  Cousin Landon is on the right.

They were both so...um...excited...?

Ready for adventure!

Mmmmm...chocolate!

A note about siblings (AKA an essay on love...yeah, it's long)

As you can see from my last post, I have lots of siblings. Seven! Wow! Practically unheard of in this day and age! Andy has five siblings (all sisters) and two step-siblings (also sisters). With so many brothers and sisters running around, we often get asked something like, "Didn't you feel lost in all those kids?" The short answer is, "No." But since when do I give the short answer to anything, haha?

Andy and I both grew up loved and individually recognized in our big families. Not everyone feels that way, of course. But, for us, it was the best way to grow up. Far from feeling lost in the crowd, we really felt as if we had more attention because of our siblings. My brother D taught me to read. My brother G taught me to ride a bike.

There are probably people out there thinking, "Well, shouldn't those be things your parents do? If your parents didn't have so many kids, THEY would have had time to do those things with you." Well...fact is, if my parents hadn't had so many kids, I wouldn't be here. Seventh of eight, remember? However, let me address this statement. I love that I have those memories with two of my brothers. I love it! Pictures of me and my brother M, with D reading to us bring back such warm and tender feelings. And G is still that brother running along behind, ready to catch any of us if we fall. My sister L is my best friend (after Andy), my brother M is one of my heroes, and the list goes on and on.

 I cannot express gratitude for our large families without mentioning Andy's sister S, who saved his life by donating her bone marrow. He was 15. She was 21. And don't get me started on the rest of his sisters! Our first date, we doubled with Andy's sister L. His sister T orchestrated and pushed (sometimes gently, sometimes not) our new relationship along. B (the oldest) took our engagement pictures. B (the youngest) makes Andy feel like a million bucks whenever they spend time together.

Our warm and fuzzy view of big families seems to be one not shared by most people these days, especially in the adoption community. How could we love a third child as much as we love our first and second? You would be surprised how many times we've run across this sentiment in our adoption journey. Oh my! Love is only limited by the people you share it with! I can understand wanting a child to feel special and loved. Guess what? Andy and I both feel special and loved. I don't think that's nearly as unusual as people think it is.

Nate is our super hero in eight-year-old clothing. He is ten feet tall, and just waiting for his body to catch up. He is gentle and thoughtful in ways far beyond what you would expect from and eight year old. Nate thinks deep thoughts, and really studies the world and forms strong opinions about that world. He loves to read. He loves his dogs. He misses his biological brother, but likes getting emails from him. He thinks growing up with white parents is weird sometimes. He hates it when Andy and I kiss in front of him.

Lizzie not only marches to the beat of her own drummer, she dances to her own orchestra. I often think that if life were to suddenly turn into a musical, with everyone singing and dancing down the street, Lizzie would feel right at home.

Lizzie's ideal world

My sweet girl has a wicked sense of humor, and loves to hog the lime light. She adores her brother, and thinks he is the most perfect person on earth, even when he's mad at her. She, too, hates it when Andy and I kiss in front of her, but she likes it when we hold hands. She loves to jump on the trampoline. She likes to sing along to Blue October, Mumford & Sons, and The Firetruck Song. When I look into Lizzie's eyes, I see the depths of eternity stretching out before me.

Wow, we can't WAIT to find out who kid #3 is! What awesome and unique characteristics will he or she bring to our family!? Will he or she hate it when we kiss? Will they be play sports? An instrument? Draw, paint? Maybe they'll be a whiz at technology! What amazing things will they accomplish? What new way of seeing the world will they introduce us to? I'll bet he or she LOVES Nate (everyone does). Guess what? We will know them just as well as we know Lizzie and Nate. Just as our Heavenly Father knows each of us.

If your heart is open, there's no limit to the people you can welcome into it. And each one is unique and loved for the wonderful person they are. And the love you give is given back to you, and you find that we really are all brothers and sisters, on this strange journey of life together...and if only the rest of the world would realize this, how wonderful it would be!

That's the way I see it, anyway. My two cents. For what it's worth. Take it or leave it.

~ Mary