Mary confesses!

It must be said!

I'm an animal-loving, potato-eating, out-loud-laughing farm girl who has been transplanted into Butte, MT. I still long for the wide-open spaces of my youth.  

I love seeing field upon field of wheat, potatoes, and barley growing beneath a clear blue sky. The smell of freshly cut alfalfa fills me with joy, as does the site of ripe wheat in the golden afternoon sunlight. And, most of all, the site of baby animals--even the cows!--just tickles me to no end.

I'm most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. I think a baked potato and a nice grilled steak are fine dining (sorry, vegetarian and vegan friends!). I think kids should play in the dirt, make mud pies, and know the joy of finding a litter of kitties in the hay stack; they should sleep out under the stars, climb trees, and watch thunder storms sweep across the fields with awe and wonder.

I sometimes dream about living among pine trees, far up in the mountains my mom taught me to love. I still consider the mountains a place apart from the rest of the world . . . almost sacred; a place where I remember who I was and still am, a place where I can immerse myself in God's creations and feel close to Him.

Life's journey has taken me out away from the farm (but thankfully kept me close to the mountains). But beneath the citified, scatter-brained exterior beats the heart of a simple (still scatter-brained) farm girl. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Our adoption effort needs YOU!

Just a short post today to ask (again) for your help and prayers with our adoption journey. We've been struggling along for four years now, and gee it gets discouraging! We could sure use some prayers, good vibes, positive thinking, whatever you feel like sending our way. We would also ask that you keep us in mind should you hear of anyone making an adoption plan (you know...not that OTHER super-cool family hoping to adopt...Darn, there's so many of us!). We are expected to be our own best advocates as an adoptive family, and that means relying on you--our family and friends--to spread the word and keep your collective ear to the ground.

We love you all and appreciate the prayers and effort you've put forth on our behalf thus far! Here's hoping this is our year...

More pictures

It's a picture kind of day...

Whutcha' thinkin' Lizzie?

Big grins!

Gone fishin'!

Simply mawvelous!

Looking so grown up!

That's all for now! Hope everyone is enjoying their summer! It has been a hectic one for us! Looking forward to school (but dreading it a little, too) for the kids. Summer has gone so quickly!

Change

The only thing in life you can count on is that i is always changing. People, places, relationships, they're constantly changing in small and big ways. Sometimes change is good, sometimes bad. Sometimes it's sudden, sometimes it's so gradual you don't even realize it's happening. It is almost always scary. And it is inevitable.

It seems like lately, just when I'm finding my footing after one change, another comes along to knock me on my butt. I'm not a big fan of change in the best of times, but the past couple years have especially soured me on it. The lack of change in our adoption status, coupled with the drastic and traumatic changes elsewhere in our lives often leaves me asking my Heavenly Father what more he could ask from me. I have started looking at change as some sort of punishment, something to be feared and avoided.

But, in truth, was it not a sudden change that brought Nate into our lives? From the time we knew of his existence to bringing home our chunky little guy was only two weeks. It was only ten days with Lizzie. Swift and glorious, the change each of them has brought into our lives is something we're grateful for every minute of every day. And so I continue to hope for glorious changes, happy changes; even when faced with deeply disappointing change.

I wish every change was smooth and easy, gradual and imperceptible. But that's not life. At least, that's not my life. Perhaps it means my Heavenly Father sees the need for drastic change in me...that I won't become the person he wants me to be without pushing and pulling me one way and another. Whatever the reason, I've realized I need to become used to the idea of change, both good and bad. As my mom would say, "You'll be alright." And I will be, because I am her daughter, and she raised me to be strong and determined, and to walk with faith.

Here I am, Momma. Do you see? I am trying. I am.

Oh, I don't know

I've been wondering what to write about all week. It has been such a busy week, and with nothing to show for the business. I was frantically getting paperwork together for an agency, as we were going to be presented to a birthmom. We were a great match for what she wanted. We felt really good about pursuing this little guy (yes, a boy!), so much so that we hardly gave a second thought to the fees that would empty our savings. We pushed forward and every day that went by, we felt was bringing another little miracle closer to coming home.

But he didn't. He won't. DCFS stepped in and took that baby boy into custody. I have to admit, I'm still smarting a bit. This wasn't some vague "I know a lady who knows a girl..." kind of thing, or some attention seeking scammer. This was the most solid adoption opportunity we've been presented with in over a year. So I'm giving myself permission to be just a little heart broken about it falling through. I'm allowing myself to wish I was on a flight to pick him up right now. I'm letting myself wonder what he looks like, how he would have felt snuggled in my arms.

But I also keep going. If you keep your eyes downcast on the adoption journey (or any journey), you miss out on the beautiful vistas that crop up sometimes; all you see is the muddy track or the lines on the road. You will stumble, you will fall, but keep those eyes up, keep them on the horizon. Find joy in the journey.