Monday, August 2, 2010

Back at it...

First off, I have to curse Blogger profoundly. I logged in tonight, hoping to catch up on the adoption blogs I'm following, only to find that my list had been erased! Grrrr...! I know, whining about it doesn't help, kind of makes me feel better.

Found the following on another blog today. There are several very similar versions of this list running around, so I don't feel bad about snurching it for my purposes. I am still amazed at how many people still refer to our kids' birthmom as their "real mom." What am I? Make believe? Here's a list of the does and don'ts. I've added a couple, and also added a comment here and there. Enjoy:

It is very important to adoptive families that others use correct terminology when talking about the topic of adoption, particularly when our children are present. For example...

To call some kids "natural" must mean that kids via adoption are somehow unnatural. To call biological kids "their own" and those through adoption "adopted", must mean that those through adoption aren't their own.

In order that our kids hear family affirming terminology, it is imperative for those discussing adoption and related issues to realize what TO say and what NOT TO say...

"They had two biological children, and two by adoption"...YES!

"This is her biological parent and her adoptive parent"...YES!

"Are you their REAL mother?"...NO!!!!

"How much did the adoption cost?" Oh please! They aren't a car! Unless you are specifically asking about the agency who placed them with us, DON'T ask! MYOB, as my mom used to say (that's Mind Your Own Business).

"Couldn't you have kids of your own?" OH PLEASE NO!! (And I will add to this, PLEASE don't share stories about so-and-so who adopted and then had "a miracle baby." My kids ARE miracles!)

Take the time to think about what you say, and be delicate with adoption related issues. Be careful not to be nosy just for curiosity's sake. Adoptive families aren't a side show for your entertainment, and we see you when you stare for prolonged periods. Most adoptive families LOVE to talk about how our families were formed, if the questions are genuine and courteous. We love to show off our beautiful children, but staring is just...well, like Momma always said...rude!

I'm sure I'll be adding to this list sooner or later. What are some of the cringe-worthy questions/comments you've come across?

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