Song on the wind

Miss you, Mom. I heard this on the wind today and knew you were near. I love you.

Friends

I would like to take tonight to thank the many friends who have seen me through this adoption journey. We all continue to travel together, even after all these years (Yes, YEARS). Some have brought babies home, some have been chosen by a birthmom and are awaiting the day their little one comes home, some of us are still waiting. And a few have placed their little ones with other families. Our bonds of friendship have been forged through pain, loss, hope, despair, and joy. Adoption has a way of doing that . . . Adoption is hard. It can be painful. But, as my sister reminded me yesterday, it's all about the love, y'all. Loving ourselves, loving each other, loving our kids. I've often said adoption is like a condensed sample of life. We need to love and support each other in our lives, even if we aren't affected by adoption. Imagine how far a little love and understanding can go in each of our families or communities! 

Anyway! Climbing down off my soap box now. Just remember . . . you're not alone . . . none of us is, if you think about it . . . not really . . . not ever.

For a friend...

When my mom died, it was (as my dad pointed out recently) like a bomb shell going off in the middle of my life. I missed her (still miss her), and my life--heck, the world in general--wasn't the same. A year and a half later, I still think this cannot possibly be my life ... this isn't how it was supposed to be. My mom is supposed to BE HERE. But she's not. The world marched on, but not mine. My world was in tiny pieces. I'm still picking up the pieces.

So, this is for a friend who is experiencing something similar. I love you, dear friend. 

"These days of dust which we've known will blow away with this new sun." I don't think the pain ever really goes away...but each day is a new day. Each sunrise is painful now ... just a reminder of another day without the loved one you're missing. But eventually ... yes, sunrises bring hope again. Hang on until then.

Each life that touches ours...

I learned of a dear friend's death today. She was one of those quiet, good people who drew others in and loved them in such a way that they were reminded of our Heavenly Father's love. I will forever cherish the memories I have of her and her dear husband, who passed several years ago. They were the grandparents I never had. They came to my graduation, remembered my birthdays, and attended my wedding. The last time I saw her (regretfully, a few years ago), she was talking about her husband and missing him so much; I know it is with great joy that she is reunited with him.

Colleen: A gentle soul, a beautiful heart, a treasured friend.

So, a song for my dear friends, past and present. Thank you for touching my life and making me better.

Each life that touches ours for good

Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;

Thou sendest blessings from above

Thru words and deeds of those who love.

What greater gift dost thou bestow,

What greater goodness can we know

Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways

Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

When such a friend from us departs,

We hold forever in our hearts

A sweet and hallowed memory,

Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim

Devotion to the Savior’s name,

Who bless our days with peace and love,

We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

Text: Karen Lynn Davidson, b. 1943. © 1985 IRI

Music: A. Laurence Lyon, b. 1934. © 1985 IRI

Missing

It's one of those nights when I sit and miss my mom. I miss her every day, with every breath I take; but I don't let myself just sit and really feel it very often. The sorrow is just kind of...always there...in the background. Nights like tonight, I long for her laughter, her voice telling me it's going to be all right.  And though I deeply believe she is still with me, that she still loves me, shares in my triumphs and pain...it isn't the same. Adjusting to a world without her has been (and continues to be) the hardest thing I have yet to do. Sometimes, I just have to take it day by day...or minute by minute.

I hope I can be the mom she always knew I could be. I think it's the times when I don't feel like I'm living up to expectations that I miss her the most. She was always my biggest fan, and she would cheer for me from the sidelines of my life. It's the times when I'm most weary, at my lowest, hardest on myself, that I really, really miss that.

I don't know that this post has much to do with adoption, except...Gee, I had a great mom! And  I was so incredibly lucky to have her as a mom! And...Gee...I hope someday my kids say that about me. Because I'm striving with everything I have to be to my kids, what my mom was (and still is) to me.