Andyman the fisherman

The thing about Andy is, he's a fisherman--with all that entails.

A patient man, quiet man, soft-spoken and mild, Andy could sit by the water with a fishing pole all day. Even if he caught nothing, he would count it as time well-spent.

"Fishing isn't about catching fish," he often tells me. Fishing, for him, is about being still, thinking, and just BEING.

And, as the saying goes, still waters run deep. His placid surface hides a deeply thoughtful, kind man who loves to play pranks and tell stories. He is quietly stubborn, invariably kind .Patient and a "go with the flow" kind of guy, he is also the most steady, stalwart, strongest man I've ever met. He survived leukemia and now views life with a zest and child-like joy. In fact, he is currently winning a tickle fight with our two kids, and laughing just as much as they are.

My fisherman

 My day isn't complete without one of his big, squishy hugs that squeeze the air out of me. Life hands us our lumps and throws us our curve balls, but I know as long as I have my Andy by my side, all will be well. He's my rock, my calm in the storm, my best friend.

Checking in

It has been a busy day around here. I've been working on my paracord stuff, chasing Lizzie around, trying to whip up dinner, and applying for jobs.

We've decided to renew the homestudy. Nate was the deciding factor on this one. He was horrified at the thought of quitting. "But...what if a mom is having a baby...and she wants to give it to us?" Well, try to explain THAT to those big, brown eyes! We have always wanted him to feel involved in the adoption process, and this is the first time he has expressed a strong opinion about anything involving it (besides wanting a brother, lol). I'm not thrilled at the thought of searching for another year . . . but at this point, we're so used to it, what could it hurt?

Song of the day, since it's been a while . . .

The video itself makes me motion sick, but the lyrics are perfect. "I'll kneel down, wait for now. . . I will wait, I will wait for you."

Still hoping, praying, wishing, trying

Still trying to adopt! Share our page, y'all! We can't do it without you!

It's empty in the valley of your heart

I'm listening to Mumford and Sons and mourning plans A, B, and C a little. They were good plans, we thought. What happened? Why did they not work out? We don't know. But I can see the paths and life we expected with each plan, and I can't help but feel a bit sad that Plan D hasn't taken us there. Plan D is (we hope) going to take us to equally grand views and still waters ... just different views, different waters.

"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighed...


Well, we can't do anything about the "If only"s. We can only move forward, one step at a time. "Keep on keepin' on," my mom used to say. And so we shall.

"The ghosts that we knew will flicker from view and we'll live a long life."

Song of the day

If you feel it, you do. If you don't . . . well . . . it's a great song, anyway. :)

Sunrise, sunset

Just another day around the Boyle house. Ran around town with Young Dog sticking her head out the window of the Jeep. Went swimming with Lizzie's Kindergarten class (Wow, that's a lot of work!). Fed the kids, played with the kids, kissed the kids, tickled the kids.

Didn't think any deep thoughts about adoption except that I wished a situation would work out for us. This is the last year we're trying, so the clock is ticking down toward homestudy expiration in September. Not real sure how to feel about that, to be honest. Some days I'm glad, some days really sad. For almost six years, we've been striving to add to our family, feeling that someone was missing . . . but we've come to a point where we feel we really and truly have done everything we can to find and bring that someone home. That brings some peace . . . but then there's the days I just long for another child . . . and then the days where I'm so completely happy with (or run ragged by, lol) the two I have I can't imagine adding another kid into the mix.

Whatever happens happens, if it's supposed to work out it will, let go and let God, it is what it is, it's all part of a plan . . . I've heard it all; I've SAID it all. But, really. I'm good. We'll be okay . . . cuz . . . we're us. And we always find a way to be okay, no matter what.

Sing...sing a song...

How many times have I said that songs often give me the words I've been searching for? That they express emotions I'm too weary or just too scared to express. Lots? Oh...yeah...guess so. Anyway, here's some songs for ya'! And hey...why don't you crank it up and sing along, eh? It's a stress reliever, believe me. :)

Have I posted this one yet? I can't remember. Oh well. It's Mumford and totally worth listening to again (and again and again and again...)

January is shaping into a kind of melancholy month for me. I and several of my friends have "hit the wall" as it were, with adoption. People outside the process don't see and don't really understand the emotion turmoil that  often constitutes an adoption journey. If  I could convey it in words, I would. I would lay it all out for you, dear readers...the tears, the hope, the heartache, heartbreak, the love, joy, and sweet sorrow. Each journey is as unique as the individual taking it, but so many of us find ourselves saying, "I will hold on as long as you like...just promise we'll be alright." And we hope it the darkness to see the light.

So, do me a favor and send out some extra prayers for the adoptive families you may know (or know about). They need a boost, they need a kind word or a smile. It is a painful, glorious thing, adoption. We can use all the love and support we can get.

Here's hoping the rest of January is awesome (since my nephew's birthday is usually a kind of good-luck date for me). Enjoy the melancholy...but remember to keep your chin up and remember the skies are still blue and the sun still shines...There's still reason to love and laugh. :)

Sharing time

Today, I thought I'd just share a few web sites for y'all to check out. Sound good? Alrighty then!

First, some adoption profiles/blogs. My dear, dear friends who are still waiting:

Sheyann and JJ are waiting and hoping for their second child. They live in Idaho, and they're awesome! I'm totally in love with their little boy, too. What a sweetheart!

Susan and John are hoping to adopt their first child. Susan is one of my favoritest people. We've been in the same support group for years, and I just love her.

Eleanor is my bud. She teaches English as a second language to little kids! How cool is that? She and her partner Kate are waiting for their first child.

I almost forgot! Bridget and her hubby and hoping for kid #2! Fun and fantastic family in UT!

Yes, we're still waiting, too, but you're already ON our blog, haha. (I'm a dork, sue me.)

This is a blog I was linked to today. SO what I needed to hear! Made me laugh, made me cry, made me even more determined to be kinder to myself. Check it out here.

Hyperbole and a half makes me laugh and makes me think. Her stories about her dogs just CRACK me up! But there's serious stuff on there too. *Language warning: F-bomb used at times*

You won't think you're a geek...until you visit this site, and then you'll realize your inner geek has been there all along, wishing to come out and play! :) I spent a great deal of time yesterday being thrilled at the super fun stuff on this site. Oh my, the fun!

So what are some of you're favorite sites? Feel like sharing? Huh, huh? Wanna wanna wanna?? Come on, all the COOL kids are doing it! :)

Day 4

Oh, I've had a hard time thinking of a song for today! But I finally settled on one that is a little bit more upbeat. You'll have it running through your head all day long. "Happy is the heart that still feels pain; darkness drains and light will come again..." For sure. I'm not one of those super-optimistic people, but night will always push up day, as Mumford and Sons would say...actually...yeah, let's post that song, too. Two for one Friday!

I know I post this song a lot. But I love it. And it's my blog. So...there. (heeheehee)

Waiting with the song of the day

Today's song of the day describes so perfectly how every adoptive family feels about the children they are waiting for, hoping for, praying for, searching for. When asked "Why are you trying to adopt?" so many of us will answer, "We just feel like someone is missing." And we will wait, pray and search for the children meant for our families...because when we find them and their birthfamilies...we find a piece of ourselves, that missing piece of the puzzle. That's how we feel about it, at least.

So here's to those of us who are waiting! Waiting for "the call" from our caseworker. Waiting for contact from an amazing birth family we just "click" with. Waiting for babies to be born, papers to be signed. Waiting...for our children.

Our adoption effort needs YOU!

Just a short post today to ask (again) for your help and prayers with our adoption journey. We've been struggling along for four years now, and gee it gets discouraging! We could sure use some prayers, good vibes, positive thinking, whatever you feel like sending our way. We would also ask that you keep us in mind should you hear of anyone making an adoption plan (you know...not that OTHER super-cool family hoping to adopt...Darn, there's so many of us!). We are expected to be our own best advocates as an adoptive family, and that means relying on you--our family and friends--to spread the word and keep your collective ear to the ground.

We love you all and appreciate the prayers and effort you've put forth on our behalf thus far! Here's hoping this is our year...

Madness!

It's back to school time! As always, I'm more nervous than the kids. My little girl starts Kindergarten this year, and I just don't know how that happened. WHERE did the past 5 years go?! No matter where they went, I am proud of the little person I'm sending off to Big Kid School on Monday. She's my sweet, giggly, bubbly girl and I just adore her!

Nate is excited to go back to school. He hates to admit it, but he really does like the routine and challenge school offers. He also likes the new clothes and school supplies, haha. Independent and capable, he is ready for 3rd grade! What a little man he is!

I guess today is just a day for being grateful for my kids and the amazing people they are. They teach me so much, and challenge me to grow. Thank goodness for adoption! For all it's ups and downs, ins and outs, strengths and flaws, it has made us a family. It brought our precious kids into our home. What a truly miraculous thing!

OK, I'm getting all mooshy now. *sniff sniff*


Many pics to come on Monday, as the kids head off to school. I think a quick trip to the lake Monday evening might be in order, too, just to help us blow off some steam from the first day. Hm. I'll talk to Mr. Hubby about it... ;)

Happy Back To School, y'all!


Hey, have you watched our adoption video yet? Well, why not? ;)

Oh, and before I forget to post this here. A fun day with friends!

More pictures

It's a picture kind of day...

Whutcha' thinkin' Lizzie?

Big grins!

Gone fishin'!

Simply mawvelous!

Looking so grown up!

That's all for now! Hope everyone is enjoying their summer! It has been a hectic one for us! Looking forward to school (but dreading it a little, too) for the kids. Summer has gone so quickly!

Change

The only thing in life you can count on is that i is always changing. People, places, relationships, they're constantly changing in small and big ways. Sometimes change is good, sometimes bad. Sometimes it's sudden, sometimes it's so gradual you don't even realize it's happening. It is almost always scary. And it is inevitable.

It seems like lately, just when I'm finding my footing after one change, another comes along to knock me on my butt. I'm not a big fan of change in the best of times, but the past couple years have especially soured me on it. The lack of change in our adoption status, coupled with the drastic and traumatic changes elsewhere in our lives often leaves me asking my Heavenly Father what more he could ask from me. I have started looking at change as some sort of punishment, something to be feared and avoided.

But, in truth, was it not a sudden change that brought Nate into our lives? From the time we knew of his existence to bringing home our chunky little guy was only two weeks. It was only ten days with Lizzie. Swift and glorious, the change each of them has brought into our lives is something we're grateful for every minute of every day. And so I continue to hope for glorious changes, happy changes; even when faced with deeply disappointing change.

I wish every change was smooth and easy, gradual and imperceptible. But that's not life. At least, that's not my life. Perhaps it means my Heavenly Father sees the need for drastic change in me...that I won't become the person he wants me to be without pushing and pulling me one way and another. Whatever the reason, I've realized I need to become used to the idea of change, both good and bad. As my mom would say, "You'll be alright." And I will be, because I am her daughter, and she raised me to be strong and determined, and to walk with faith.

Here I am, Momma. Do you see? I am trying. I am.

Song of the day, video of the day

Today's song of the day is "You Always Make Me Smile" by Kyle Andrews. Oh yeah, and this is our new adoption video. What do you think? I didn't get much of our "Dear Birthmother" letter in, I'm afraid. Hmmm... Well, let me know what you think so I can work out the kinks, okay!

Have a great day!