I live, I love, but laughing has become almost painful; almost as unnatural as living in a world without my mom. And I find myself wondering if I will be able to feel the pure, sweet joy of bringing home another child if we are blessed with another. Or will that, too, be experienced through this veil of tears? And perhaps I should just let that dream go, since I am so obviously screwed up to the extreme right now. But I'm not sure I can take the pain of mourning the child who is missing but will never come home, along with the pain of losing my mom. I'm just not that strong.
I tell myself all is well, all is within God's plan. But it doesn't feel well. And I wish God's plan didn't hold so much heartache for me and my family.