Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Pardon my absence...

I was trying to post every day during Adoption Awareness Month, but life has a way of making things hard. And things have been really hard around here the past couple of years. This year, especially. Monday was my mom's birthday, you see. And, while I knew it was coming, had it marked on the calendar in the back of my head, it wasn't until Sunday night that it really hit me: "MOM'S BIRTHDAY!" And, once again, I face the horrifying reality that she is not here and I'm reminded that the broken pieces of my heart aren't ever going to fit back together quite right, and that crushing feeling returns--that one that makes me feel like I can't breathe.

I can almost hear her chiding me, "Oh, stop being silly! I'm still here!" And I'm trying. I'm trying to enjoy life, not just endure it. I'm trying to dance in the rain, not just weather the storm. I'm trying to trust in God's plan for me and my family. I have a hard time with that--because I trusted God with my mom, and He took her. I am resolving those feelings of anger and betrayal, though. I am learning to trust again. Like every good thing in life, it is a lot of work. I know my mom would be proud of me for trying, for not giving up. As she always used to say, "Just keep on keepin' on!" We put our heads down, we lean into the yoke, and we just. Keep. Going. Because, as a wise man once said, even if you're on the right path, you'll still get run over if you just stand there.

One of my friends told me yesterday that great moms make great moms. I strive to be the great mom to my kids that my mom was to me. So here's to my mom. I know she's watching her littlest girl struggle and wishing she could help, but I know she thinks I'm doing a great job.

Here's my song for today. A little reminder that "There is no end to glory, there is no end to love
There is no end to being, there is no death above."

Love you, Momma. And I miss you.

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