Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Screwed up

I know I'm going to step on toes with this post. But guess what? It's MY blog! So THERE! :P Bleeeeeh.

I am so tired of people insisting that all adoptees are screwed up, horribly traumatized people who wander the earth wondering who they are...that they're somehow damaged goods...they live in emotional turmoil and feel incomplete, out of sync, alienated from the world and people around them.

I willingly acknowledge that some (maybe even most...who knows?) adoptees feel this way. Guess what? NOT ALL!

Thing is, when someone says "all" or "every", they're not really speaking for the individual. They're making a sweeping generalization that obliterates the faces in the crowd and lumps them into one blurry "THEM." As the daughter of an adoptee, I take offense. Don't you dare presume to speak for my father, who is a very educated, well-spoken, forthright man. He is a mighty man, wise and thoughtful. He is not screwed up.

I get a little irked when people presume to tell me I must be clueless to think that adoption can be a good thing. Thing is...I have lived with my father's adoption my entire life. It has given me a unique perspective. Did it give my dad issues? I believe so. Did it irreparably damage him? Absolutely not! My dad is living proof that the sum of a person is not so much the events in their life, but how they choose to use those events. Do you grow from them, or let you weigh you down? Do your challenges become a stepping stone or a stumbling block? Adoption is something that happened in my dad's life...it does not define him. To lump all adoptees together with huge, sweeping generalizations does such a disservice to not only those who have chosen to be happy with their adoption, but also to those who are struggling with it. Do they not deserve to be individual voices, telling their own stories?

I won't go into my dad's adoption story. It's not mine to tell. But know this: My dad is awesome. He is amazing. He is adopted.


  1. It is interesting to me to read this post. It seems so out of the blue to me. It is an attitituede that I don't feel I have been aware of or heard, so to have you feel like you have heard it enough tha to need to put so much energy defending this position is strange to me. But it doesn't seem health to be so upset. If there are individuals that feel that way, I am sorry. But to let it bother you so is not helping your on life. Hope you can find peace about it and not be so offended and unhappy.

  2. I know your Dad - and many other adoptees - and they are all marvelous people. And those who adopt are saints. They have to be! They are the giants of faith and patience!!!! You rock, Mary!!!

  3. Generalizations always negate an individual's feelings. It happens in the adoption world all the time when we lump all adoptive parents, birth parents, or adoptees into one group. Wait, I think this happens everywhere in many situations. It's not fair to anyone to be told what you're opinion ought to be.


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